Change Hurts

Like many people hovering around the halfway point of their life, I have been redoubling and expanding my efforts to be healthy.  It's not because I wasn't already putting forth effort, it's because I want to do a better job of it.

In the last few years my wife and I have been kicking our respective butts to stay in shape.  We've been using a strong combination of running, weight training, and improved nutrition in order to do so.  And, with the exception of the occasional misstep, we've really seen some good improvement.

However, it hasn't been without flaws.

When one starts making progress in their workout routine, you need to start changing things up so that you don't plateau.  As you do this, you start finding the things that work as you tweak your routine.

This is all good, except that as you start to make gains, you can get caught up in the gains and miss the problems that are creeping up on you.

For example...

By the mid point of this last year, I had really been putting on some muscle.  My abs could more or less be counted visibly, my man-boobs had become primarily man-like and less boob-like.  My shoulders, arms, and legs were all taking a more pleasing shape.

However, what I had forgotten to take care of was maintaining proper flexibility.  I had been doing lots of stretching, but as my workouts were getting longer, I would catch myself not doing my stretching and yoga.  What resulted was that, as I put on more muscle, my body started to tighten up.  I didn't even notice until I was already there.  

I realized it one day when I noticed how much harder it was to keep good posture.  I had worked hard to regain my posture after I'd had some surgery a number of years back.  But suddenly it had seemed that standing straight was really hard.  

This was because my abs had become so tight it was causing me to curl forward.  It's a common problem in weight trainers.  Their shoulders start to curve inward and they start to have that muscular hunch in their back.  It's a flexibility issue.  All the front muscles are strong and tight and begin to bend you forward like a macaroni noodle.

This is really not good.

Well, after a string of injuries in the second half of the year, I determined to re-evaluate my workout and go in a better direction.

This year, I've been biasing my workout toward Yoga.  I am still doing strength training, but the Yoga has strength building as part of the moves even as it is increasing flexibility.  I'm also doing a lot of combo moves that work multiple parts of the body all at once.

Crawl push-ups.  Straight arm planks.  Straight arm side planks.  (those last two suck, by the way.)  Jump squats.  (those suck even worse.  I did 125 of them today.  I may never walk again.)  But I'm also doing things like modified warrior's pose with a twist for butt, side, and groin flexibility and hamstring and quad strength.  Sun salutation for hamstring, back, and butt flexibility.  Cobra pose for abdominal flexibility and spinal release plus arm strengthening.

This is just a few of the things I'm doing besides running and such.

And I'm seeing the difference almost immediately.

So, I must be feeling great then, right?

Not exactly.

Here is the problem.  It's not actually a problem, but it feels like it in the short term.  The problem is, my body was so out of whack, that it had done all manner of weird things to compensate.  But as I stretch, especially with cobra pose, the increased space in my spine as my core muscles relax and lengthen back to optimal size begins to do it's work.  And by "do it's work" I mean, my whole spine starts to loosen up.  And when this happens, things start popping and shifting and realigning.

I'll feel something move, then I'll feel three other places move in close succession.  And then, later in the day, I start hurting in weird places.  Not because I've damaged anything, but because I have freed things that have been locked together.  I have created an environment where my body can change it's position and move back to a better form.  And it hurts!  There is a lot of internal resistance happening.  I loosen up one spot, and I realize that two others are now out of position because their position was dependent upon the one thing I just fixed.  So, they now have to shift.  But every time something shifts I find another spot that needs to move.

And so the dominos of change fall.

You find that each problem was masking another problem and the whole process becomes painful.  Good, but painful.

Over time the pain disappears as the problems fix themselves and soon you find that all is, more or less, right in your world.

This is the great truth about change.  It hurts.  We want to hold on to what IS very tightly, even if it is harming us.  This is because we have found a balance, even if it is a precarious one.

Change undoes that shaky balance.  It forces us to let go of the things we held to so fiercely for so long. It forces us to experience something new and that transition process can be very painful.  But eventually, a strange thing happens.  One day we realize that we don't hurt anymore and we start realizing that our life has improved dramatically and we ask ourself a very probing question.

Why didn't we do it all sooner?

The Real Pretenders.

Happy New Year!

Sooo, the holidays... they happened.  That's always something.  But now it's 2015.  So, that also happened.

Do you know what my favorite "holiday" is?  And please don't read to much into this, but it's actually Halloween.  You know why?

I love costumes.  It's not the candy, or the "religious" history behind it good, bad, or otherwise.  I just always thought costume parties were super fun.  Getting together with friends and goofing off while pretending you are something else.  Or just dressing up as a walking joke where your costume is both the joke and the punchline.

In that sort of setting, it's all fun and games and good times had by all unless you were the guy who thought he was too cool to play along because "it's dumb and your dumb and costumes are dumb but I came anyway so I could tell you how dumb it is and be hateful."

Him?  He probably should have just stayed home.

But once you get outside of that type of setting and back into "real life", all the pretending becomes problematic.  With your friendships it's a bad idea.  In your marriage?  Definitely not smart.  At your job?  That one will catch up with you as well.  In real life, unless you are an actor, pretending will destroy you or someone else eventually.

Do you know why people hate Christians?  There are tons of great examples of why people hate Christians.  It's not all people, of course.  But of the people who hate Christians, there are tons of stories that illustrate their justified positions.  But the real reason that it boils down to?

Pretending.

Let me explain.

Christians are not the problem that causes people to hate other Christians and, by extension, God.  It's people pretending to be Christians who cause these problems.

Those of you who have experienced this phenomenon might argue that this describes most "Christians".  

Maybe you are right.

But this distinction matters.  Anyone can claim to be a part of something but not actually represent what it is suppose to be.  Christians who claim to be like Jesus, but instead find ways to hate everyone and everything.  They like the club, but not the character.

The problem with Christians is that they aren't all Christian.  This is a truth that needs to be accepted by both Christians themselves and by the people who have been damaged by fake Christians.  Those fake Christians do not represent all of us, even if we all get defined by their unacceptable attitudes and actions.

God is Love.  Therefore a Christian should also be Love.  Love is the very nature of who God is, therefore a Christian's nature should also be that.  Love is patient, kind, merciful, forgiving, and it keeps no record of wrongs.  It hopes, it endures, and it never fails.

People on the other hand... they fail.

A true Christian is one who embodies Love.  Love does not have to agree with someone in order to accept that someone.  Love does not have to agree with another beliefs in order to respect the one who believes them.  Love does not have to agree with another's views in order welcome them with open arms into their lives.

A true Christian would do all those things, and not be threatened by the difference.  If a Christian is threatened by another's beliefs, it's because that Christian isn't very confident in them self or their belief so instead they shift the focus to the other person and convince others that this other person is the real problem so that no one will look back on that particular Christian and find his or her flaws.

These fake Christians have destroyed so many lives for this very reason.  Pretending to be a Christian doesn't make you one anymore than pretending to be a banana makes you one.

You can be a Christian and be friends with someone who is gay.  You can love them, give them hugs, share your home with them, laugh with them, and in general make them a part of your life.  Whether or not you agree with them or their life is completely irrelevant.  If you can't be confident enough in your God and your beliefs to be with someone who is different than you, then it says more about you than it does about them or your God.

Do you think that person who has spent a lifetime confused over their identity needs one more person judging them for their own uncertainties?  Christians are not the judges of the world.  God judges.  Period.  It's not my job.  It's not your job.  Stop doing it.  We are to love.  God will sort out the rest.  We are not the convincers or convictors of the world.  God is.  He will sort that all out.  

You want to show someone God?  Love them.  God is love.  You want them to know God?  Represent a God who cares for them so deeply that they wouldn't want to do anything else BUT know Him.  Because that person who has just finished their gender reassignment surgery has suffered whether or not we wish to recognize it.  They have been judged and ridiculed and have lost friends and family over it.  Whether or not their choice to have surgery was the correct one or not is irrelevant.  We can't change what is.  We can only control our own choice.  That choice is simple.  Will we be a true Christian and show complete and selfless Love without demands or conditions?  Or will we sit in judgment on them proving for certain that we were never Christian to begin with?

May it's not sexual identity.  Maybe it's drugs.  Maybe it's addiction.  Maybe it's gambling addiction.  Maybe it's pornography and sex addiction.  Maybe it's depression.  Maybe it's suicidal tendencies.  Maybe it's any number of other "unacceptable Christian taboos".  But therein lies the issue.  There in lies the lie.  It's not about the taboo.  It's about the people.  And no person is unacceptable.  We don't have to be something we are not in order to accept someone who is.

Hatred and bigotry is a lie.

Love is truth.

God doesn't hate you.  If God hated everyone who had a messed up life, He'd have to hate everyone.  But God doesn't hate everyone.  God is Love.

God has declared all people worthy.

You don't believe me?  I can understand that.  I'll break it down like this.  Perfection does not equal worth.  We are not worthy because we are perfect.  We are all imperfect.  But our perfection or imperfection has zero bearing on our value.

We have value because of Love.  God loves.  He loves us so much He experienced death for us.  He says that He loves us with an everlasting love that has no height, nor depth, nor width that can ever be measured.  It has no end.

God would not sacrifice himself or anything of His for something that has no value.  That which has value has worth.  You have value to God, therefore you have worth to God, therefore you are worthy.

If you are gay, you are loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

If you are an atheist, you are loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

If you are an addict, or a murder, or a cheater, or a thief, or any other frowned upon thing, you are loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and if they do, they don't know God.  They probably aren't true christians.  They are the pretenders, because whether or not the details of your lives are perfect, and they probably are not, you are Loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

That is the truth.  That is true Christianity.  That is true Love.  

Don't let the pretenders drive you from God.  They have no power over you.  They are powerless unless you give them power.  Don't hate God because some pretender hated you.  They do not represent Him.  They may have taken His name, but they did not take His Character.

Whoever you are, give God another chance.  I didn't say "church" or "christians" or "prayer meeting", etc.  Just God.  Start there.  Work that part out and then move on from there.  Learn to know who God is.  Figure that out.  Let that lead your path.  Let love lead your path.

Good night.

The Garlic Blog

Hey and stuff.

Living in Chicago has many benefits that come with it.  A great public transportation system, tons of music and sports, and even more great food.

It's that last one that really pleases my wife and I.  We like us some good eats.  Probably a little too much, do we like us some good eats.  

It's ok.  You know you do too.

What makes it better is that recently, not only have we tried to eat healthier, we've had to start eating around food allergies.  One of the big offenders is gluten intolerance.

Don't you roll your eyes at us.  It's a real thing shut up.

Fortunately, there are some really good vegetarian/vegan/gluten free places in Chicago.  We have no problem continuing our quest towards gluttony here.  Yay.

For example, we found a great pizza place that not only makes high quality pizza, but also delivers in our area AND offers gluten free crust.  Now, I will admit, the regular crust is better than the gluten free crust, but it's still good both ways.

Yesterday we tried a different pizza concoction from their "gourmet" pizza menu.  It was a garlic pesto something something.  And it was super duper mediocre.

Seriously, we were pretty disappointed.  Not because it tasted bad, but simply because it didn't taste anywhere close to as amazing as we had hoped it would be.

More importantly was the side effect that the massive amounts of garlic and pesto caused us.  One word to describe the after effects would be "unpleasant".  Two other words would be "holy crap!" (no pun intended.  Actually, that was totally intended.)  Eight other words would be "my god, what did you do in here?!?"

So, in hind site (or is that hind smell.  Get it?  Because it stinks.  Never mind.), perhaps it wasn't the smartest thing we've ever chosen to eat.  

It's like garlic is just being exuded from our pores.  (In fact, it may well be exuding from our pores.  Amongst other places.)

It's amazing what happens to your body based simply upon something you put inside of it.  It turns out that whatever you do inside yourself has direct implications for what happens outside yourself.  One very clearly creates the other.

No, we are no longer talking about garlic pizza.

You want to alter your world?  You want to change the things around you?

Then change things inside you first.  It's amazing how that effects everything else.

Just don't start with garlic.

Night.

The New Car Blog.

Wow.  

11 days since my last post.  That seems very unprofessional.  The reason is (insert lame excuses: here).

Well, I have news that I know every one of you will be super excited to hear about (cough cough).  We have a new car.  And by "new", I mean used.  But only just.

It's a 2013 Subaru Legacy.  And it's absolutely fantastic.  

All wheel drive.  Excellent fuel economy.  Tons of room.  Super comfy.  And it rides and handles crazy good on two-lane country roads at extra-legal speeds.  Or, you know, so I was told and did NOT actually do myself this past weekend on the way to an outdoor wedding.

Also, because it's such a late model vehicle, it has all the fun toys.  Things like hands free bluetooth, iPod hook up, and other stuff that largely don't matter.

I enjoy driving this car quite a bit.

And let me tell you about the great deal we got.  

Actually, lets not talk about that.  I'm still having nightmares about all the money this great deal is going to cost us.

But that aside, it's really fantastic.

We have a tendency to drive cars until they explode from old age.  Our other car we've owned since 2006.  Almost nine years.  It's a Saturn Vue and has 205,000 miles.  It's so wore out I don't think I could pay anyone to take it from us.

No, I'm not going to pay anyone to take it.  

We had a Honda Accord up until two years ago.  We drove that for 16 years.

So, ya.  We wear cars out and make sure we get our money out of them.

Which, perhaps is one reason this car seems so amazing.

Our Saturn is wore out.  It rattles and squeaks and is covered in scratches and cracks and it eats wheel bearings for breakfast and and and...

It's been a good car, but it's close to done.

The Subaru is close to new.  Only 18,000 miles.  It still has that new car smell, although, I think dealerships have a spray for that now.

But I wonder, would I think my "new" Subaru would be as awesome if the car I was comparing it to wasn't so... not awesome?  What if I was comparing our Subie to some other car of equal vintage and class?  How would it compare?  Would it seem as great?  Would it be amazing still?  Or would it fail by comparison?

Sometimes when something get's old anything new seems like a revelation and you just can't wait to get away from the old thing to something better.

No, I'm not talking about cars anymore.

Relationships are funny that way.  They can become old and run down.  Stale and broken.  You can get so caught up in the routine that we don't even notice how run down it is getting.  It's easy to get so used to it that you forget to take care of all the little maintenance details.  And then, before you realize it, it just doesn't run anymore.

It's a shame, really.  Because, with the proper maintenance, they will go the distance.

Love is funny that way.

Just A Little Something

Hey all!

Well, I'm finally back from vacation.  Actually, I've been back for a week or so, but I got sick during vacation and at the same time as returning had to prepare for all manner of presentations and did not have the time or energy to put out a post.  

But I have a few minutes and felt I needed to put something out, even if it is pretty short.

I could talk about vacation and such, which was great, but instead I'm going to make a small but important point based on an interaction I had with a person at a recent thingy I did.

"Thingy" is the technical term for what us preacher types do.

I spent a day doing presentations and Q and A time after we returned from vacation.  I had almost no voice at all, so, it was a long day.

I won't go into all the details of what we talked about and discussed, but I will tell you what a person said to me after we were all done and my voice was finally completely dead and we were all ready to go.

As is often the case after a presentation or a sermon or a talk of any kind, people will come up and say hi and such.  And, normally there is a broad range of response from people depending on who they are what they took from the whole experience.

One thing I had been trying to accomplish was to encourage people to truly think about their lives and what they believe and what they do with both of those things.  Don't just blindly stumble through like a bull in a Star Wars collectable shop, doing more damage than good.

Unless it was a prequels collectable shop, then stomp away.  

I'm looking at you Jar Jar Binks.

One man in particular came up to me and started the conversation like this.

"I know what you were trying to say."  (First thing people say when they are about to politely disagree.  If they aren't worried about being polite, they just start by calling you names.  True story.)  "But one thing that makes the culture of the country I come from better than yours (he actually just said where he was from, but I'm not trying to hate on his people, it isn't the point or the problem) is that we never question anything.  We just accept it all and stay faithful no matter what.  We always do everything we are told and believe."

Now, at this point I was sick, tired, had no voice and in general wanting to lay down right there and pass out.  Two of the organizers saw me after I finished speaking and they said, "Holy cow, you look horrible!  You need to go home and rest."

That's never a good sign.

So, because of this, I just had no ability to have a long discussion and/or argument with the guy.  It probably wouldn't have helped anyway.

So I thanked him for his thoughts and told him it was great to meet him.  Which it was.

But let's think his statement through for a moment.  

Never question anything?  Accept anything told to you just because the source is "official"?  Never go deeper into the source or material or bother to learn why someone interpreted something the way they did?  

What if that person made a mistake?  What if they didn't know what they were talking about?  What if they themselves were complete ignorant or mislead?  What if they were purposefully deceitful?

Never ever ever just accept something simply because someone said so.  Not even if you agree.  Maybe especially if you agree.

That is super dangerous with a side of extra stupid.  This is how damaging and hurtful beliefs and practices are started.  This is how lives are damaged and ruined.

From a Christian standpoint, the bible even tells us to test and measure.  Using the concept of faith to promote ignorance is evil.

And if you are not religious of any kind, well, the same still holds true.  And perhaps you know it to be true more so than the rest of us.  And for that, I'm sorry.

Never be afraid to ask the hard questions and go against old programming.

You might be surprised the good will do you.  And just as importantly, the good it will do for someone else.

Moments of Time.

Hola and such.

As my vacation to Colorado looms ahead (as such there may be no post next week), I've been thinking about my previous trips there in.  We always enjoy our time there.  Great views, great people, and great atmosphere.  Fun times had or not had.  Laughs laughed and tears shed.  All of the weird and wacky and odd.

And as I tried to turn the way back machine on, I started realizing how odd the things are you sometimes remember.

The strong smell of cows drifting in from two towns away.  That time 12 billion moths tried to invade our home during the time we actually lived there, and had to duct tape all our windows and not used doors.  The great snowball fight of June.  The great snowball fight of August.  The 70 degree motorcycle ride in February.  Getting shocked so hard by static electricity that it left a mark.  Having a very large and bearded man stuff my man bits into a led "cup" during my fun times in radiation treatment.  Receiving my three medical tattoos.  Having squirrels practice parkour off my legs as they tried to steal my granola whilst hiking in the mountains.  Skiing into a park bench.  Accidentally being led into my first Black ski run and learning how to stop with my face.

It turns out if you bite down really hard into the snow...

Anyway...

There are so many memories.  So many things that pop out once you start to remember, or when something trips a memory long dormant.  Things you hadn't thought about since.  Things you had hoped to never think about again.  Things you were reminded about by others that you hadn't expected them to remember.

I think I told you the story already about the time I fell down Mt. Elbert, and while laying there recovering I was robbed of my food by a squirrel and a bird?  Well, there was another person there with me when it happened.  A nice man who was one of the supervisors of us kids.  I was 10 at the time.  He was much older.  That's how supervision works, or so I'm told.

Well, as coincidence would have it, I ran into that gentleman about a month ago.  I've only seen him a couple times since those young days.  I was down helping out at the summer camp and he showed up, saw me eating lunch, and came over to eat his and say hello.  He asked me how my parents and brother were, and after all the base pleasantries were done he asked me this:

"Hey, do you remember that time that one bird stole your apple after you fell down the mountain?"

He had a sly grin on his face.

"Do I remember?  How could I forget.  I can't believe YOU remember that."

I was pretty surprised he remembered that, although I suppose I shouldn't have been.

He then laughed.  "Ya, that was pretty darn funny."

I decided not to ask if he meant the bird thief or me falling.

Probably both.

But it was funny that he remembered that.  After all these years, and it's been almost 30 since that time, this man remembered that day.

As a response to seeing him, I was reminded of a time I ate at his house, and while sitting at his table, a spider dropped down from the ceiling and tried to snuggle up with me.  

I hadn't thought of that in years.  I'd only ever been to his house once, so I suppose there wasn't a large cache of memories to pull from.

But this caused me to think about something.

How many things like that are buried somewhere in my mind?  Little memories laying hidden in my brain waiting for the correct stimulus to bring them out?

That probably sounds like a stupid question.  You are probably thinking, "well, all of them."

And, of course, you are correct.

But that's not what I mean.

I'm talking about the significant moments.  The moments that stood out.  The moments that taught something.  The moments that COULD have taught something, but it's been relegated to the closet of our minds in favor of a more recent moment.

How many moments lay hidden in our minds, moments that formed us and made us who were are, for good or bad, that we have forgotten about?  And, if we could remember, would those formative moments lose their power over us?

Because if there is something that formed something negative within us, this might be important to discover.

I realized as I thought about the old memories that perhaps I have taken so many of these formative moments for granted.  That I haven't truly recognized their significance.  That I have let them fade instead of keeping them strong in my mind.

What would our lives look like if we didn't let ourselves forget the important moments?  Or maybe the more important question is, what if we actually recognized the important moments for what they were?

That last one is really the trick.  Recognizing the profound while you are in the moment.  Sometimes the profound jumps out at you.  Sometimes it passes by unnoticed.

As I started remembering all those old memories, I realized how easy it is to forget important things or to miss important things.

Don't let those formative events pass you by unnoticed.  Be aware always of the importance of what happens around you.

It might be, you know, important.

Have a great night.

Crazy Tired.

Howdy and everything!

I hope everyone has had a snazzy week.  My week has been sufficiently not awful(with exceptions), thanks for asking. What did I do all week?

Well let me tell you.

I drove.  

A lot.

Let's start with Wednesday.  I drove to a world wide camp outing in Wisconsin.  It is three hours one way and we drove there and back on the same day.  In between, we walked around the place pretty much the whole time we were there.  Just so you understand what that means, there are 50,000 people there.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Fifty thousand.  It's in Oshkosh, Wisconsin at the airfield.  It's basically a small city made of tents and bigger tents.  

We walked back and forth and across and diagonal all over that place.  After doing that for a number of hours, we hopped into the car and drove back home.

That was a relatively long day.

The next day after getting about 5 hours of sleep (I don't do well on low amounts of sleep.  Thank you cancer.  Yes, I'm blaming cancer.  Let me have my moment.) I got up the next morning and drove 1.5 hours to a leadership summit.  It was great, except how I was so tired from the previous day that I was literally emotionally unstable through the whole thing.  No, I am not using "literally" in the figurative sense.  I actually was emotionally unstable the whole day.  Not in any violent sort of way, but in the way that makes you want to curl up on the couch and cry into a pillow while you hold your most sacred stuffed animal sort of way.

Have you ever been so tired that you couldn't actually fall asleep quickly?

Last night was sort of like that.  While I did sleep better than the night before, I laid in bed for quite some time with my mind doing all manner of odd things as my body screamed for sleep while my brain merely screamed gibberish at a thousand miles per hour in return.

Today was day two of the leadership summit.  It was also good.  And, while I was not unstable today (I'm actually not unstable as a rule, there will be a point to all of this other than me telling random people I'm unstable, which as a rule, I'm not, like I said, really, I'm not, stop staring at me...), it was still a long exhausting day.

So, to recap, 6 hours in the car on Wednesday with miles of walking in the hot sun in between, 3 hours of driving yesterday with an exhaustion fueled foray into altered states and sleep deprivation, followed by another 3.5 hours of driving today (traffic is always worse on Friday here), after which my wife and I crammed in an entire session of OCD fueled house cleaning as we are expecting guests this Sunday.

We finished that and dinner shortly before I sat down to write this.

But wait, there is more.

Tomorrow we will be driving back to Oshkosh, Wisconsin for more camp goodies, only to return the same day, again, because of other obligations.  So, another 6 hours of driving with tons of hiking in the middle.

This doesn't even take into account the first half of this past week.

Now... why would I go on and tell you about all of that?

Well, it's not for sympathy in spite of what you may be thinking.  I am aware that many of you may have longer days and weeks every day and every week.  I completely acknowledge up front that my life isn't nearly as hard as many, if not most peoples.

What I do want to point out is what effects exhaustion has on you.

Everyone has been exhausted at some point in their lives.  It's not as if I've just now discovered it.

And, more to the point, many people live with it as a rule.  This brings me to my point.

After just a short period of exhaustion I was starting to experience problems.  What might that be like after a couple weeks of it?  A month?  A year?  10 years?

This may not be overly profound, but I really want to encourage you all to get some rest.  When you are not at your best, you start compromising your ability to do everything.

For me, as a pastor, I'm in the customer service business to a certain extent.  On top of that, I have to be smart and quick 100% of the time because when people want to talk or NEED to talk, I need to be ready right then to go any direction they take me.  I don't get to prepare ahead of time.

All of it requires high levels of patience.  All of those things are gone when the energy is gone.  

Actually, my smartness is pretty much non-existent as a rule, but there is nothing I can do about that.

But consider this in a different context.  

What about your families and relationships?  How often do you think that you have taken their relationship for granted and put it to the test simply because you had nothing left to give?  You were used up.  Out of gas.

If a person doesn't take care of themselves first, they can not see to anyone or anything else.  At least, not with any real success.  Instead, we end up destroying our careers, our health, and our relationships.

Fortunately for me, I was self aware enough that I came home and basically locked myself in a room until I could get enough rest to function again.  It wasn't much, but it was enough.  As soon as I post this, I'll be in bed again.  It's going to be a long road till Sunday.  And, while I can't remember the last time I was so tired I couldn't hold it together, it was a good reminder about how easy it is for something like that to happen.  You don't see it coming.  It sneaks up on you and hits you when you don't even realize you were close.  

I can remember all the times in college and after I would be up till stupid-thirty in the morning, then get 3 hours of sleep and go to work and life would be fine.  I'd be tired, but I'd pull it off.  But eventually it all catches up with you.  I've watched a lot of people slowly let their lives fall apart for no other reason than they weren't taking care of themselves and just used themselves up.

I'm grateful that this is a rare thing for me.  Very rarely do I have this long convergence of activities that messes with my schedule.  I'm blessed that way.  But as I mentioned before, there are many people for whom this is a way of life.

It's not smart and it's not safe.

So, I leave with a very simple and obvious charge.  Stay healthy and rested.  And if you aren't already, make it your mission to get there.  Everything else in your life will benefit.

I guarantee it.

Goodnight, friends.

The Wisdom of Comics

Hi all.

The last couple weeks have been super educational as I've gotten into the swing of doing a regular web based comic strip (go here to check it out).  It's so much fun, but also quite technical.

While I have learned (and re-learned) how to streamline the art side of things and make it more efficient and expressive and how better to tell stories with pictures (also a steep learning curve and one I'm still climbing), the biggest aspect was figuring out how best to post the comic to the website while keeping the image and text crisp, clear, and readable AND while keeping the file sizes small.

That has been big deal.

I spent three hours one night doing nothing else but experimenting with file settings and formats and the like.

But it was worth it.  I now have a workable format that keeps things small and quality (thank you to Brittany for nudging me in the correct direction).

I realize that this seems like it should have been the easy part of the whole process, but in fact, it was the most difficult.  It is where 100% of my frustration has been.

The final packaging.

And it's equally important to the rest of the process because if you cannot publish what you've done, it doesn't matter how quality (or not) it is.  It doesn't matter if you do everything else correctly, if you can't put it out there properly, it's all for nothing.

Ooo, I think there is a lesson in there.  

That reminds of me of an early experience I had as a pastor.  I had just started a new district and walked in to a pre-existing hornet's nest of a problem.  The details are largely irrelevant.  But the gist of it goes like this.

The old pastor and some of the leadership had decided to make a huge controversial change.  One that I did, in fact, agree with.  The problem was that the church as a whole wasn't in agreement.  This happens from time to time, so as a leader you learn how to deal with these things and move progress through in a proper way.

They didn't do that.  Yes, they did all the proper steps.  They said all the correct things.  But the "packaging" wasn't done properly.

The issue gave them trouble for years, almost split the church, and decimated their attendance.

Here is where I ask for your forgiveness.  Because to make my point I have to do something that sounds shockingly similar to bragging.  And will it be bragging?  Um, probably a little.  But I have to say it so that the point comes across clear.  So, please, again, forgive my moment of braggadocio.

What took them years to never solve, I solved in less than 6 months WITHOUT undoing the change.  And, I did it by making the same arguments they did.

So, what was different?  

The packaging.

In that case, it wasn't just what you said, it was how you said it and who was saying it.  Some of the changes they made had to do with personnel.  Some people didn't like the personnel.  So, who did they send, after the fact to help smooth out the problems?  The very people who were not liked or respected in the first place.

Just as, if not more, importantly, the main person, who in fact is a great individual, is a terrible communicator.  This person has one tone of voice.  I like to refer to it as "angry school teacher".

One day this person asked me how I was able to fix the problem with the people who were upset about the changes so quickly.  I told her what I did and what I said.  She said, "that's what I did.  Why didn't it work for me?"

I sort of pretended a measure of ignorance because I didn't have the heart to tell her at the time that she sounded angry 100% of the time.  Instead, I told her that I was very gentle, patient, and understanding, but also very clear on the theology of such things.

She said, "That's what I did too!"

I said, "Ah, well, then I couldn't tell you what the difference is."

Ok, so, I basically lied to her.  Forgive me for that too.

It wasn't the right time to have that talk with her because I wasn't super confident in my position yet.  I probably could have done it in a way that didn't hurt her feelings (packaging), but it seemed risky.

Knowing the correct things (or what we think is correct), or saying the correct things (refer to previous statement), is only a part of making things work.  It's only part of the packaging.

How we present ourselves is the difference between success and failure before we ever open our mouths.  This lesson was the first and to this day the biggest lesson I've learned in leadership.  A person can inspire or repulse just by their very presence.  And I'm not talking about hygiene, fashion, or "beauty".

I want to encourage anyone who happens to read this to take stock on how you are perceived.  How the way you do things and say things and generally behave affects a situation around you.  It can be a very enlightening and humbling experience, even if you are doing it right.

Well, I guess that it.  That's all I got for tonight.  Have a great evening!

Lesson 24: The Loop.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a thought loop?

Maybe it's an idea that just circles round and round in your brain, or maybe it's a song that won't go away.  Those are pretty benign examples.

However, there are other, more malicious examples.

Often, when the thoughts are accompanied by strong negative emotions, it can become a cycle of anger revolving around in your head.  It can even be triggered preemptively, meaning that it happens just because you think the reality MIGHT happen.  This is often where anger fantasies are created.

Or maybe it happens because once something bad DID happen, and now you think it will every time. Or you think that because a bad thing happened, that everything involved is also bad and evil all the time.

And, eventually, these things spill out of our heads and into the real world, creating problems that didn't exist.  Sometimes creating the very problem we thought might exist and didn't until we made it so.  (I just had a mental image of Captain Picard point and saying "Make it so."  It's a Star Trek thing... never mind.)

I recently had the misfortune of watching a teenage girl get passive-aggressively barraged and have her greatest love and passion insulted and condemned to her face simply because the other person had suffered an injury at the hands of thing this girl loved.  Even though it was this persons own fault that it happened.  But to this person, it didn't matter.  Instead of being considerate, this person kept calling the object of the girls passion "evil".

Which it isn't.

In fact, this person was so traumatized by their experience, any time someone even mentions this thing, they start calmly freaking out and spewing hate.  The thought returns and it starts looping and the emotions spiral until control can be regained.

Now, let me pause here.  I totally get that traumatic events can cause, well, trauma.  Emotional as well as physical.  I get it.  I understand it.  I've been there.  You learn to deal, or you get help, or you avoid the thing.  But what you don't do is hurt the feelings of others simply because you had a bad day once.

Back to the point.

Maybe it's a relationship, or an aspect of a relationship and every time a certain trigger happens you automatically "know" what will come next, or NOT come next and you start to spiral.  Suddenly, for no real reason at all, you are angry all because of how you think events will play out, even if they don't.

Do you know what an alcoholic (or anyone else who's been through rehab) calls this mental process?

Addiction.

Yep.  Addiction.

Not long ago, I listened to an alcoholic tell the story of his addiction and sobriety.  He told about how he was so drunk all the time that every time he sobered up he became suicidal.  Finally one day he decided he was going to kill himself and the only thing that saved him was that the bartender who's bar he had passed out in (as had the bartender) asked him to have a drink with him before he took off for the day (about mid morning the next day after the drink fueled unconsciousness occurred).  As a result, the drink turned into drinks until both were thoroughly plastered at which point the guy had forgotten he was going to kill himself.

And so it went for a while.  Eventually he realized one day that the only thing keeping him from killing himself was his drinking and he decided to ask for help.

He went to a legit rehab center and took it seriously.  And while he learned many things, here is the thing that applies for the point.  He learned that he did NOT have a drinking problem.

Her learned that he had a THINKING problem.  It was the wrong thinking that kept him in the mental spiral that in turn kept him in the drinking spiral.

And, while his body itself is most definitely addicted to the substance, it was the addiction of the thought process surrounding it that kept him from trying to stop.

The same is true for each of us.

These thought loops that grab us and "force" us down a specific emotional path of anger and frustration are in many ways an addiction.  To go a different way would require us to give up something.  Perhaps the sense of power that the emotions of rage give us.  Maybe the sense of entitlement that emotions of injustice give us.  The sense of me being in the right and you being in the wrong.

We would have to decide and accept that it is completely irrelevant, as almost all of our friction and fighting is.

If you want to act different, you have to think different.  We can not use the same thinking that created the problem to solve the problem.  (That was Einstein.  Just so no one thinks I'm claiming wisdom that isn't mine.)

Like all things, it comes down to a choice.  

In this case, do you want to pretend that you are better?  Or do you want to actually BE better?

Think a different thought and make a different choice.

Have a great night.