The Real Pretenders.

Happy New Year!

Sooo, the holidays... they happened.  That's always something.  But now it's 2015.  So, that also happened.

Do you know what my favorite "holiday" is?  And please don't read to much into this, but it's actually Halloween.  You know why?

I love costumes.  It's not the candy, or the "religious" history behind it good, bad, or otherwise.  I just always thought costume parties were super fun.  Getting together with friends and goofing off while pretending you are something else.  Or just dressing up as a walking joke where your costume is both the joke and the punchline.

In that sort of setting, it's all fun and games and good times had by all unless you were the guy who thought he was too cool to play along because "it's dumb and your dumb and costumes are dumb but I came anyway so I could tell you how dumb it is and be hateful."

Him?  He probably should have just stayed home.

But once you get outside of that type of setting and back into "real life", all the pretending becomes problematic.  With your friendships it's a bad idea.  In your marriage?  Definitely not smart.  At your job?  That one will catch up with you as well.  In real life, unless you are an actor, pretending will destroy you or someone else eventually.

Do you know why people hate Christians?  There are tons of great examples of why people hate Christians.  It's not all people, of course.  But of the people who hate Christians, there are tons of stories that illustrate their justified positions.  But the real reason that it boils down to?

Pretending.

Let me explain.

Christians are not the problem that causes people to hate other Christians and, by extension, God.  It's people pretending to be Christians who cause these problems.

Those of you who have experienced this phenomenon might argue that this describes most "Christians".  

Maybe you are right.

But this distinction matters.  Anyone can claim to be a part of something but not actually represent what it is suppose to be.  Christians who claim to be like Jesus, but instead find ways to hate everyone and everything.  They like the club, but not the character.

The problem with Christians is that they aren't all Christian.  This is a truth that needs to be accepted by both Christians themselves and by the people who have been damaged by fake Christians.  Those fake Christians do not represent all of us, even if we all get defined by their unacceptable attitudes and actions.

God is Love.  Therefore a Christian should also be Love.  Love is the very nature of who God is, therefore a Christian's nature should also be that.  Love is patient, kind, merciful, forgiving, and it keeps no record of wrongs.  It hopes, it endures, and it never fails.

People on the other hand... they fail.

A true Christian is one who embodies Love.  Love does not have to agree with someone in order to accept that someone.  Love does not have to agree with another beliefs in order to respect the one who believes them.  Love does not have to agree with another's views in order welcome them with open arms into their lives.

A true Christian would do all those things, and not be threatened by the difference.  If a Christian is threatened by another's beliefs, it's because that Christian isn't very confident in them self or their belief so instead they shift the focus to the other person and convince others that this other person is the real problem so that no one will look back on that particular Christian and find his or her flaws.

These fake Christians have destroyed so many lives for this very reason.  Pretending to be a Christian doesn't make you one anymore than pretending to be a banana makes you one.

You can be a Christian and be friends with someone who is gay.  You can love them, give them hugs, share your home with them, laugh with them, and in general make them a part of your life.  Whether or not you agree with them or their life is completely irrelevant.  If you can't be confident enough in your God and your beliefs to be with someone who is different than you, then it says more about you than it does about them or your God.

Do you think that person who has spent a lifetime confused over their identity needs one more person judging them for their own uncertainties?  Christians are not the judges of the world.  God judges.  Period.  It's not my job.  It's not your job.  Stop doing it.  We are to love.  God will sort out the rest.  We are not the convincers or convictors of the world.  God is.  He will sort that all out.  

You want to show someone God?  Love them.  God is love.  You want them to know God?  Represent a God who cares for them so deeply that they wouldn't want to do anything else BUT know Him.  Because that person who has just finished their gender reassignment surgery has suffered whether or not we wish to recognize it.  They have been judged and ridiculed and have lost friends and family over it.  Whether or not their choice to have surgery was the correct one or not is irrelevant.  We can't change what is.  We can only control our own choice.  That choice is simple.  Will we be a true Christian and show complete and selfless Love without demands or conditions?  Or will we sit in judgment on them proving for certain that we were never Christian to begin with?

May it's not sexual identity.  Maybe it's drugs.  Maybe it's addiction.  Maybe it's gambling addiction.  Maybe it's pornography and sex addiction.  Maybe it's depression.  Maybe it's suicidal tendencies.  Maybe it's any number of other "unacceptable Christian taboos".  But therein lies the issue.  There in lies the lie.  It's not about the taboo.  It's about the people.  And no person is unacceptable.  We don't have to be something we are not in order to accept someone who is.

Hatred and bigotry is a lie.

Love is truth.

God doesn't hate you.  If God hated everyone who had a messed up life, He'd have to hate everyone.  But God doesn't hate everyone.  God is Love.

God has declared all people worthy.

You don't believe me?  I can understand that.  I'll break it down like this.  Perfection does not equal worth.  We are not worthy because we are perfect.  We are all imperfect.  But our perfection or imperfection has zero bearing on our value.

We have value because of Love.  God loves.  He loves us so much He experienced death for us.  He says that He loves us with an everlasting love that has no height, nor depth, nor width that can ever be measured.  It has no end.

God would not sacrifice himself or anything of His for something that has no value.  That which has value has worth.  You have value to God, therefore you have worth to God, therefore you are worthy.

If you are gay, you are loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

If you are an atheist, you are loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

If you are an addict, or a murder, or a cheater, or a thief, or any other frowned upon thing, you are loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and if they do, they don't know God.  They probably aren't true christians.  They are the pretenders, because whether or not the details of your lives are perfect, and they probably are not, you are Loved by God and are worthy in His eyes.

That is the truth.  That is true Christianity.  That is true Love.  

Don't let the pretenders drive you from God.  They have no power over you.  They are powerless unless you give them power.  Don't hate God because some pretender hated you.  They do not represent Him.  They may have taken His name, but they did not take His Character.

Whoever you are, give God another chance.  I didn't say "church" or "christians" or "prayer meeting", etc.  Just God.  Start there.  Work that part out and then move on from there.  Learn to know who God is.  Figure that out.  Let that lead your path.  Let love lead your path.

Good night.

The New Car Blog.

Wow.  

11 days since my last post.  That seems very unprofessional.  The reason is (insert lame excuses: here).

Well, I have news that I know every one of you will be super excited to hear about (cough cough).  We have a new car.  And by "new", I mean used.  But only just.

It's a 2013 Subaru Legacy.  And it's absolutely fantastic.  

All wheel drive.  Excellent fuel economy.  Tons of room.  Super comfy.  And it rides and handles crazy good on two-lane country roads at extra-legal speeds.  Or, you know, so I was told and did NOT actually do myself this past weekend on the way to an outdoor wedding.

Also, because it's such a late model vehicle, it has all the fun toys.  Things like hands free bluetooth, iPod hook up, and other stuff that largely don't matter.

I enjoy driving this car quite a bit.

And let me tell you about the great deal we got.  

Actually, lets not talk about that.  I'm still having nightmares about all the money this great deal is going to cost us.

But that aside, it's really fantastic.

We have a tendency to drive cars until they explode from old age.  Our other car we've owned since 2006.  Almost nine years.  It's a Saturn Vue and has 205,000 miles.  It's so wore out I don't think I could pay anyone to take it from us.

No, I'm not going to pay anyone to take it.  

We had a Honda Accord up until two years ago.  We drove that for 16 years.

So, ya.  We wear cars out and make sure we get our money out of them.

Which, perhaps is one reason this car seems so amazing.

Our Saturn is wore out.  It rattles and squeaks and is covered in scratches and cracks and it eats wheel bearings for breakfast and and and...

It's been a good car, but it's close to done.

The Subaru is close to new.  Only 18,000 miles.  It still has that new car smell, although, I think dealerships have a spray for that now.

But I wonder, would I think my "new" Subaru would be as awesome if the car I was comparing it to wasn't so... not awesome?  What if I was comparing our Subie to some other car of equal vintage and class?  How would it compare?  Would it seem as great?  Would it be amazing still?  Or would it fail by comparison?

Sometimes when something get's old anything new seems like a revelation and you just can't wait to get away from the old thing to something better.

No, I'm not talking about cars anymore.

Relationships are funny that way.  They can become old and run down.  Stale and broken.  You can get so caught up in the routine that we don't even notice how run down it is getting.  It's easy to get so used to it that you forget to take care of all the little maintenance details.  And then, before you realize it, it just doesn't run anymore.

It's a shame, really.  Because, with the proper maintenance, they will go the distance.

Love is funny that way.

Taste of Awesome

Good evening my peoples.

I hope you're world is grand and significantly lacking in ritual torture.  If you have recently been ritually tortured, then, um, I apologize for bringing it up.

Speaking of torture, how many of you have ever been to the "Taste of Chicago"?

Perhaps I should start with, how many of you have ever heard of the "Taste of Chicago"?

While I will admit right up front that city living is probably not for everybody, it does come with some perks.  There is always something to do.  You can get to most things you need to by walking or riding a bicycle (you know how I currently feel about that bit of joy).  And, there is more food and food diversity than you can shake a truck load of sticks at.

From my apartment, I could throw a rock and probably hit three or four restaurants.  With the same rock.  I'm totally that good.  (I'm not even close to that good.)

If you feel like traveling at all, within one mile in any direction, I can find enough culturally diverse foods to name off most of the countries of the world with.  And they are all (mostly) so good.

Chicago is known for many things, and food is right up near the top of that list.

But once a year there is this week long phenomenon called "The Taste of Chicago".  Every year, a bunch of eateries set up shop in Grant Park between Michigan Avenue and the lake.  Then, roughly every human on the planet (except you if you've never been, and all the other people who don't come) squeeze themselves all at once onto the one street to sample all the good eats and drinks and listen to the live bands playing.

It's really pretty great.  But it can get expensive very quickly if you like to eat a lot.  And, because there are so many things to try, you wind up stuffing yourself like a thanksgiving turkey to the point where walking is much more akin to an egg wobbling across the counter as it tries to roll away.  And even then, you still haven't come close to sampling everything.  You just can't do it.  There is simply too much.

So, you get tortured on two fronts.  One because of how much you ate, and two, because of how much you didn't get to eat.

And then, again(I guess this is technically three), because you feel bad about this food and how much more you want, and then you think about people who haven't had food in days as a normal course of life.

Huh.  Suddenly I feel guilty for going.

Hmm.

One thing my wife commented on this year was something only tangentially related to food.  This is one of the few things here in the city where you get people from all parts of town, North, South, East, West, all hanging out in the exact same spot.

You might be thinking, "But isn't Chicago one of those great culturally diverse places where everyone is sort of lumped together in this great melting pot of people?  You know, in a non-cannablistic-melting-pot-sort-of-way?"

Yes.  Yes it is.

However, if you spend any real amount of time in Chicago at all, you find it's a lot like many places.  The different groups have a tendency to stay in their own areas.  The south Chicago people tend to stay in the south and the north Chicago people tend to stay north.  Add to that how the city is broken up into "neighborhoods" and how many of the "neighborhoods" are relatively culturally specific.  It's true that there is overlap and the mixing of peoples, but if you zoom back and take a look at the city as a whole, you actually see a lot of groups just hanging out with themselves.

It's sort of strange when you think about it.

But at the Taste?  Everyone shows up.  Everyone all in one place.  And by "everyone" I do actually mean a sampling of everyone.  

And they all show up because of food.  Food, the great equalizer.  Everyone needs it, and most people like it.  Food is one of those things you can't avoid.

And historically, this has always been true.  The equalizer part, not the need part.  Clearly the need part has always been true.  

In the ancient times, when people came together for any reason, whether it was a festival, or a negotiation, or even to work out their differences, they would often sit under a tree and share a meal.  They would do the thing everyone had to do.  The thing that made them equals.  The thing that gave them common ground.  A need and love for food.

And the beauty of this is how it shows that, cultural differences aside, all people are largely the same.  I eat, you eat.  We need to survive, and hope to be happy doing it.  We like to love and laugh and make babies.

Everything else is self focused (not necessarily selfish) world view commentary.  Important, but not absolute.  Or maybe meaningful, but not important?

I'm not sure what the correct way to say that is, but what I do know is, the moment you bring out the food, most of that stuff suddenly vanishes and then we become this group of people who don't know each other and may not even speak a same language, sharing a meal, passing napkins, making space in the line for them, smiling as they walk by.

If only the rest of life were that simple.

Maybe, it is.  Or it would be if we let it happen.

Wouldn't that be something?

Hot Dogs and Freedom!

Hello all and Happy Independence Day!

By now, many if not most of you are well on your way to a grilled beef (or acceptable substitute) induced coma, which may or may not have been assisted by some sort of "lubrication liquid".  

Horse shoes, potato salad, and Bocci Ball may well have been involved also.

Later, as the sun sets and inebriation rises, there will be a frighteningly grand use of controlled explosives designed to look pretty in the sky.  

You know, drunk people and explosives.

'Merica!!

I hope this day has been and will continue to be an enjoyable time for you all.

However, in case one or two of you decided to step away from the hot dog for a second to actually read this (actually, you can probably continue to eat the hot dog AND read this at the same time.  if you can't, it's either a quite spectacularly good dog, or you've hit the second case of MGD already and you think this is a website dedicated to Lynard Skynard.  Unrelated, once you figure out this isn't that, I do recommend their song "The Breeze".  It's one of my favorites.), I thought it might be a good time for a short little thought on the topic of "freedom".

I'm not going to bore you about the subtle difference between the concepts of "independence" and "freedom", nor am I going to go on about the state of government and politics.  

I simply want to talk about what it means to be free.

Freedom can mean many things.  Are you free from oppression?  Free from slavery?  Are you free from tyranny?  Are you free from burdens?  Free from hate?  Are you free as opposed to being costly?  Does your "free-ness" or "freedom" come at the expense of someone else's "freedom"?  If so, then was it actually "free"?

Are you free from self-doubt?  Free from debt?  Free from depression?  Free from self delusion?  Free from all illusions?

Are you actually free or do you just think that you are free?

Or, can you be beholden to another but still feel free?  Is true freedom something that happens externally, or does it happen internally?

What does it actually mean to be "free"?

I'm not going to pretend to know the absolute meaning of this.  My words are simply that.  Words.  But I would like to offer at least one thing to consider, not as an absolute definition of truth, but as one thing that might be true in a basket of other true things.

Freedom, is a choice.  Not just the ability to choose, but more importantly, your choice to be free no matter your physical circumstances.  A person can be a prisoner, but be free inside, just as a person can be free from walls and barriers, but be trapped in a prison of their own mental design.

Have you chosen to be free?  In this land of relative freedom, and significant lack of overall oppression compared to many places, have you chosen to be free?  Truly free from the things that truly imprison us?

Things like hatred, bigotry, selfishness, vanity, arrogance, pride, ignorance...?  These things are all choices.  Sure, maybe you were exposed to and raised in environments that programmed certain things into your overall view of reality, but that does not mean you can't choose something better.

All those things, and others, are extensions of one of the greatest prisons.

Lies.

The lies we chose to believe, and even worse, the lies we told ourself.  Lies about who we are and what our significance is or is not.  About why I'm better or worse than you.  About what why I hate you.  About why I'm angry.  About why I'm trapped in life.

Lies that I choose to believe so that I may willfully remain ignorant.

Ignorance.  Another great and evil choice.  I realize that there are some places where this is not necessarily a choice, but here, in our country, in the age of information and the internet and access to almost anything we want to find?  Ignorance is a willful choice.

I meet these people all the time.  People who want life no other way than to be negative and hateful and arrogant and ignorant.  People who have woven great lies and believed them into their soul.

But, there are other people.  Greater people.  People who've chosen to be free.  People who love unreservedly.  Who hate no one even if they disagree with them.  People who don't believe they are better than that other person who lives in a way they don't believe in.  People who seek to understand in spite of the difficulty of bridging the gap between bigotry and brotherhood.

Those people are awesome.  Those are the people who've chosen freedom.  Those are the people who have chosen to make their life one of happiness and fellowship.

Those are people I want to know.  They are the people I call brothers and sisters and kinsman and countrymen.  And I don't care what nation or bloodline they came from.

That's because freedom by it's very nature is about the absence of boundaries.  The absence of confines.  If not in body, then in mind and soul.

I live in a country that is both wonderful and imperfect.  In that sense, it's much like every other country.  With aspects of both wonder and imperfection.  And, we do have it better here than in many places in the world.  It's a country based on the principles of independence and freedom and equality, even if the reality has at times fallen short.  But there is one thing that must be understood very clearly.

This country is not what makes you free.

You are the only one who can make you free.

Now, go blow something up in the name of awesomeness!

'Merica!!

Interlude 6: The Wedding Post

Good Friday to you!

Well, I don't know about you, but this has been a busy week full of activities.  With the end of school there were graduations galore, two of which I attended.

Then there was the wedding.  My wife's sister was married this past weekend.  At the same time, so was my wife's sister's new husband.  What a weird coinkydink, right?

In order to attend the wedding, we had to travel to Charleston, South Carolina.  As it turns out, Charleston is a beautiful place.  There is lots of green and ocean and beach, plus a really nice little downtown area.  I say "little" because I reside in Chicago and, well, it's all relative I suppose.  I don't want to hear a word from you New Yorkers.

We flew down, checked into our hotel, and then more or less went straight to the church.  The wedding went smoothly, everyone got married who was suppose to get married, and no one died who wasn't suppose to die.  

Don't think too hard about that last bit.

Everyone looked pretty in their purples, grays, and blacks.  Especially my wife.  Cause she's pretty.

The wedding reception was the day after the wedding.  It was more of a day of party than just a reception.  There was a cruise along one of the coastal canals describing various bits of history and tradition bits.  Some architecture goodies were thrown in as well.

Afterward, there was a transition period after which we all arrived at a swanky restaurant for some good viddles.  Much time was spent with the talking and the eating and the talking and more eating.

Many people hopped on airplanes after the dinner or simply drove home.  The rest of them flew home at the moment dawn cracked the next day.

That meant the only people from the wedding who were still in town other then the people who already live there, were my wife and I.  All the rest of the family from both sides had gone home.  Not even the bride and groom were there.  They left us with a key to their apartment and car so we could wander around Charleston till our own scheduled departure was upon us.

So, we walked all over downtown Charleston.  There we found some great food, some even greater gelato, and some nice ocean side walking paths.

Eventually, however, the time was upon us.  We had checked out of our hotel room first thing in the morning, so that was done, which left us with putting Nirma's sister's car back and locking said keys inside of the previously decided hiding place.  Which we did after summoning our shuttle ride to the airport.

The nice lady who picked us up spent part of the trip having a stirring conversation with her aunt on the phone and then chatted us up the rest of the journey.  She was friendly.  But that didn't keep her from charging us.

So, after locking away all the keys to transportation and free lodging and arriving at the airport, we paid the nice lady her extortion (it actually wasn't that bad) and made our way inside of the airport.

We walked right up to the check in counter just in time to find out that our flight home had been "delayed" (read: cancelled) till the next day.  You know, after we had locked away our free transportation and lodging.

Grumble.

Fortunately, the lady at the desk was super nice and understanding and tried very hard to get us on a more immediate flight.  She failed, but she gets an "A" for effort.

Instead, she put us up in a hotel room free of charge which came with free transport to and from.

While this was all rather inconvenient, it turned out to be a really nice relaxing evening for my wife and I.  We walked to a restaurant across the street, then sat out side while we ate a cookie and had nice conversation.

For all practical purposes, the next day we were up by 3am so we could arrive home by 11am and then drive home from the airport by noon.  At which point we unpacked, showered, groomed, laundered, food shopped, and then made our way to the first graduation program of the week which allowed us to be home and in bed before 11pm.

It wasn't exactly how we had planned things.

But, you know what?  It was good.  In the end, we stayed at a new place we'd never stayed at before, had some extra leisure time and an over all fun story.

If you force me to pull a lesson out of this, I will say this.  Things rarely ever go the way we expect them to, even when they go well.  Getting bogged down in the details of what went good or bad simply causes us to miss the point of life at large.

Take whatever comes your way and find enjoyment in it.  Do the best you can in every situation to make it all it can be, but when it doesn't go right, embrace it and enjoy it anyway.

Happiness and joy are not things that happen to us, but states of being that we choose to be regardless of what happens to us.

There it is.  That's all I have today.

Have a great night.

The Anniversary Blog

Hello true believers!  

I don't really know what that means.  Stan Lee used to start his communications in comic books that way.  Mostly, I just wanted to use "true believers" in a sentence.

Today's post will be brief.  

Why, you ask?

Because today is my 15 year wedding anniversary.  As such I have more important things to do (like hang out with my fancy bride) than to spend large amounts of time here.  

That's right.  I said it.  My wife is more important to me than you are.  It's not personal.  It's love.

Love is a tricky thing.  Without love we would have likely murdered each other long ago.  And by "murdered" I mean significantly less violent but just as permanent.

There are lots of questions one could ask about relationships and marriage and what makes either one of them successful.  And by "successful", I do not mean "long."

A long marriage and a successful marriage are not necessarily the same thing.

Many people will stay in a marriage for more years than I've been alive, and be miserable the entire time simply because "that's how it's suppose to be."

Successful means that you are together AND happy about it.  You have both dedicated yourselves to a union greater than each of you individually and have found great joy in the other persons happiness.

I think it could be argued that there are other things that make it successful as well.

One question I could ask myself (and have) is, what have I learned over the last 15 years?

Firstly, I've learned that my wife is just as beautiful first thing in the morning as she is after a shower and proper grooming rituals. 

What?  What did you expect me to say?  Anything else would be suicide.

More importantly, I've learned that I am quite selfish.

In hindsight, I have seen how many of the things I did to make my wife "happy" were done in an attempt to vicariously make me happy.  Things done to hopefully encourage her to, in turn, do things back.

Said like that, it sounds really awful doesn't it?

I also noticed how many of the fights we had we largely based on one of us being selfish about something.  And just as often as not, it was the accuser who was being selfish.

I noticed, in retrospect, how much time was spent by one or both of us attempting to still be "separate".  This is not to be confused with maintaining ones own identity.  What I mean is, we would still be holding things back from each other not truly giving all of who we are to each other.  Not truly.  And, at the same time, not truly accepting all of who the other is.

It's easy to become two people who like the veneer of marriage, the superficial look and feel of it, without embracing the substance of what it should be.

Live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, eat together, do stuff together, pay bills, deposit pay checks, do couple type things and think that this constitutes marriage.

It does not.  Not even if you do it perpetually and without too much arguing.

Being united, being one together, is more than simple proximity.  It's more than mutual affection.  It's more than even passion.  

It's about desire and purpose.

Desiring the other persons happiness and well being above all else.  

Having a purpose for your union other than simple cohabitation and it's various benefits.  

A person is powerful.  

Two people working together selflessly as one...?  That is unstoppable.  

I love my wife with all my heart.  And she loves me.  We don't always get it right, but we won't ever stop trying.

Perhaps, maybe, that last part is important to the formula.

Love well, my friends.

Lesson 22 - I Twerk Poorly

How many of you have ever eaten bread?  

I'm going to take a gamble and say that most of you fit into the bread-eating or have-eaten category.  Bread has been a staple food for many a moon.  People were eating bread long before anyone ever said the word "bread".

Not too surprising, that.

What I would like to focus on is not the bread, but the part of bread eating that is a much more modern addition.

The removing it from the bag part.  Specifically, the removing of the twist tie that holds the bread bag closed.

You all know what wire twist ties are, yes?  If you don't, than you've either just been born, live in a country that does not use such primitive contraptions, or you have recently suffered a head wound and should immediately head to the hospital for x-rays.

Twist ties.  A piece of wire inside a paper or plastic sheath.  Malleable, flexible, and all around, well, twisty.  Tie together bundles of small somethings.  Tie off bags.  Tie off your finger till the blood doesn't flow all the way to the end and it turns purple and my mom yelled at me to stop that.

Hypothetically.

Eventually as you use the twist tie over many days, months or even years if you are that agonizingly frugal (I mean "wise".  If you are that "wise".  Ahem.), the sheath will tear and break and begin to slide off the wire (if you haven't lost it altogether long before then).  And then, should you still be working that twist tie, it will, eventually, break in half all together.

Completely unrelated except for how it's completely related, this is how back injuries were once described to me by a doctor who deals with such things.

While there are many things that contribute to catastrophic spine related problems, one of the common causes of back problems is a simple lack of flexibility.  In fact, almost all common structural problems that develop over time are directly related to a lack of flexibility and weakening muscles.  My doctor friend explained it by telling me how, when your back is inflexible and becomes even more inflexible over time, the spine does all of it's flexing in the exact same spot over and over instead of flexing in many places all at once and spreading the motion around.

This leads to the person forcing increased strain on an increasingly weak area until something gives, just like the twist tie.

Therefore, one needs to be vigilant about increasing ones flexibility and maintaining the strength of the muscular system.

This was illustrated very nicely recently while I was helping supervise a school class trip this past week.  

Once upon a time I had a number of back issues that stemmed from injury and the resulting flexibility issues that I never truly attempted to remedy.  But, over the last few years, I have attempted to improve my flexibility and keep things moving well.  And, it has made a huge difference.  I haven't had back problems ever since I made this my way of doing things.

However, like all people, there can be an ebb and flow in my dedication which relates directly to me feeling the stiffness and soreness threaten to rear it's ugly head.  Although, to be fair, on my best day, my back is not anything remotely related to super flexible.

Back to the trip.  

We took the class to Wisconsin Dells.  The class used the funds they had raised and stayed at one of the really nice water park resorts that exist there.  A good time was had by all.  One evening as we were rounding up the youngsters, we were standing around a deck table making sure everyone had their gear.

I was standing behind one of the deck chairs patiently waiting for the decimal (that would be 10) of kids to figure out who's stuff was who's, one kid slid the chair in front of me back at an alarming rate, the corner of said chair aimed directly at my sensitive man bits.

At this point all my ninja instincts took over (cough, cough) and I did the only thing I could do.  I thrust my butt out behind me to make room for the corner of the chair to now reside where my pieces and parts used to be.

While I succeed at the evasion, my back was very unhappy I had tried to save myself by twerking.  (please don't think to hard about what that looks like.  It's for your own good.  You will never scrub your mind clean of any mental image of me trying to twerk.  So don't think about that.  Don't do it.  Don't think about me twerking.  Excellent.  Now your mind belongs to me.)

One spot down low in my back decided to grumble strongly.  It just wasn't flexible enough to do what I'd asked it to do.  It didn't cripple me.  It was fortunately a mostly short lived annoyance.  But the lack of flexibility almost became my undoing.  I've had too many back injuries to not know the signs of impending spinal doom.

Our mental and emotional states work very similarly.  A lack of flexibility in who we are and how we perceive things can be directly related to how quickly and catastrophically we break when we've finally bent farther than we've trained ourselves to allow.

When we become stuck on a single way of seeing reality around us without any consideration to addendum's or modifications to our thought, the moment that something happens that shatters that view will ultimately shatter us.

It happens at a frighteningly high rate.  It causes people to either crumble completely or to bounce around in this "either/or" way of thinking.  Bouncing between extremes.  It must either be this way, or that way.  There are no other options.

If we see everything that way, we are completely unequipped to deal with anything that doesn't conform to one of the two possibilities we've decide must be the only two ways at seeing reality.

We've made ourselves inflexible.  And when something is inflexible, it eventually breaks.  Maybe not right away.  Maybe not for a long time.  But eventually.  Much like the twist tie.

Now, before you cry foul, I am aware that all analogies break down eventually.  I am also not suggesting that someone "compromise" a belief for the sake of flexibility.  It's about broadening consideration, not compromise.  Compromise is about taking something you do believe and ignoring it.  Broadening ones consideration is about expanding upon and understanding more the possibilities that actually exist versus the ones we thought existed.  It's about realizing there is more to reality than we would like to believe.

As you navigate your life in whatever phase of it you are in, practice being the flexible mental ninja.  Strong and adaptable.  

Do not be a mental twist tie where one too many wrong mental twerks become your undoing.

And Now For Something Serious...

Serious.  As opposed to all the other things I've ever written that were not serious.

Just so we are clear.

Ok, I am going to defend myself for a moment before I start in on what may turn out to be a rant.  First off, I am not one who is given to ranting publicly about anything.  It serves little purpose other than to convince people that one is crazy.  No matter how important the message, people will tune out if for no other reason than the tone of the talk was all wrong.

And believe me, I know a little something about people tuning out when I talk.  I'm a preacher.  Nuff said.

Secondly, it is not my intention to be offensive to anyone.  I don't like to offend people.  It's not useful.  So, again, please don't take offense if anything hits too close to home.

Unless you are directly guilty of being on the giving end of what I'm going to talk about.  Then you better believe I'm hoping to offend you.  In fact, everyone should be offended by what I'm going to talk about.

There you go.  Apparently, I've just taken it all back.  It is my intention to offend everyone.  But in a kind way.  Unless you are guilty.  And round the circle we go...

Hmm.

I am actually not sure how to begin.  I was trying to think of some clever illustration to lead into it.  But it's not coming to me right now, so I will just jump in.

It is never, ever... ever ok to abuse someone.  

I don't care how angry you got.  I don't care how thoughtless someone was.  If you are a parent or a spouse, it is never ok to abuse.  Abuse of that type is evil on a whole level of it's own.  It's not only physical, but it destroys trust and love and scars the heart and mind forever.

It doesn't matter how you justify it.  It's never not evil.  It doesn't matter how stoned you were.  It's never not evil.  It doesn't matter how you were raised.  It's never not evil.  It doesn't matter what era you grew up in.  It's never not evil.  It doesn't matter what country you are from.  It's never not evil.

I'm not going to get into the corporal punishment debate over what is or is not appropriate.  It's mostly irrelevant.  I say that because abusers usually know they are doing it.  Otherwise, they wouldn't try to hide it.  They know they are crossing lines, or they wouldn't pretend they don't.

If you are a man and your wife makes you angry and you punch her or strike her in any way, you are guilty of abuse.  No excuses.  You don't do it.  It's evil.  

If you are a man and you have to force or coerce a woman to have sex with you when she doesn't want to, you are guilty of abuse.  It's called rape, married or not.  No excuses.  Don't do it.  It's evil.

If you are a man and when you argue with your spouse you devolve into screaming rants filled with name calling, you are guilty of abuse.  Not physical, but still abuse.  No excuses.  It's never ok.  Don't do it.  It's evil.

Women, I realize that this rarely happens the other direction, but it does happen.  If you are one of the rare ones, stop.  It's evil.

If you are a parent, male or female, and you punch your child, that is abuse.  Don't do it.  It's evil.

If you are a parent, male or female, and hit your child with solid metal objects, that is abuse.  Don't do it.  It's evil.

Don't do it when they are teenagers.  Don't do it when they new born infants.  It.  Is.  Evil.

If you are a parent, male or female, and you call your child horrible names in a screaming rage, that is abuse.  Don't do it.  It's evil.

If you are a parent, and you make your child believe they are worthless and stupid, that's abuse.  Don't do it.  It's evil.

If you are a parent, male or female, and you convince your child to have sex with you, no matter how old or young, that is abuse, and rape, and you are a pedophile.  Don't do it.  It's evil.

If you are a parent and you starve your child willfully, that is abuse.  You are guilty.  Don't do it.  That is evil.  

If you as a person force anyone else to do any of these things to anyone else, that is abuse and you are guilty.  Don't do it.  It is evil.

It does not matter how you justify it.  It does not matter if you think it's "ok" and other people just don't understand your love or your hard time you are in or that you are in a special love with that child, your's or someone else's.  It is evil.

If you are doing any of these things to anyone else you need to stop.  If some how, someway, you didn't realize these things were wrong...?... stop.  If you knew and didn't care...?... stop.  Because, either way, it will catch up with you.  But more importantly, you are destroying lives.  That makes you evil.

That's right.  All of these things are evil.  But some of them absolutely make you evil if you willfully participated.  Yes, I'm judging.  Deal with it.

There are no excuses.  None.  Not ever.  Your heritage, upbringing, culture, age... are all irrelevant to this discussion.

Now, to you who are victims.

You, are not guilty.  You did nothing that deserves anything I have described, and I know that I have only described the most basic descriptions of the evils that are abuse.  If someone is hurting you in anyway, it's not because you are guilty.  It's because they are sick, and it's evil.

You are not to blame.  Do not blame yourself.

Just as importantly, you do NOT have to stay.  If you are being abused in any way, you need to tell someone and you need to get away from it.  I don't care what your religion is, or your culture, or your age, or your heritage.  You need to leave.  There is no good excuse.

You may think you are trapped, but unless you are literally locked in a room or tied to a bed or guarded 24/7, you are not trapped.  You owe the abuser nothing.  You stopped owing them anything the moment they started to abuse you.  They crossed a line and you need to get away.

It will not stop on its own.  It could very likely end in your death, or worse.  Do not stay.

If you think that the family unit is more important than the safety of the people in that family, you are being controlled by that idea and through that idea by the one abusing you.  If you allow yourself or your child to be abused for the sake of the greater family perception, all you are doing is allowing children to be raised who will likely abuse their family as well.

You are allowing a scenario where your children will be permanently harmed.  Or yourself.

You need to tell someone and get out of that place.

You don't believe in divorce?  Fine.  I get it.  I'm a pastor.  I've heard every argument ever conceived and many that even you have never heard of.  You are not obligated in this scenario to stay with that person.  No spouse has the right to hurt you in these fashions.  

There is even a strong bible argument for this.  If you really think you need one, just ask.

If you are a child, you need to understand that it is not ok for your parents to hurt you in these ways.  If they do, and then tell you not to tell anyone, you need to immediately tell someone.  You do not owe them that level of obedience.  

If you as a spouse or child are too afraid to go to the proper authorities themselves, go tell someone who is a mandated reporter.  A nurse, doctor, firefighter, paramedic, pastor, teacher, or anyone of that type.  They are required to make sure the right people know about it.  No one has to know you reported it.  It's not lying.  It's strategic truth telling.

That's right, I just made up a term to help save your life and your conscience.

You don't think you can survive on your own?  You don't think you can support yourself or your children without the abuser?  Then you need to realize there are agencies dedicated to helping people just like you.  They help proved shelter and food and help you find ways to exist without the abuser.

You think you still love the abuser?  Well, maybe you do.  Love is, well, love.  That doesn't mean you should stay.  You can love them from afar.  If you love them, you will tell someone and force them to get help.  

But no matter what, never believe it was your fault.  You are not evil, or worthless, or stupid, or bad in any way.  They are.  Not you.

What they are doing is not out of love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

The abuser has failed the duties of love.

And just because you leave and get help and protection does not mean you failed love.  It means you loved yourself enough to know you are better than the abuse and the abuser.  And it means you loved them enough to do what was necessary to make sure they not only get help, but that they stop before they do something that can't be undone.

I suppose many of you are thinking that this is just common sense and everyone knows this and if you are reading my blog in particular that you probably are past this moral conversation.

You would, then, be surprised to know that you are likely incorrect in that assumption.  Abuse happens every where.  With people that you know, but you just don't realize it.  It's that common.  It is, unfortunately, likely that someone who reads my blog and this post in particular is either an abuser or a current victim of abuse.

I shouldn't tell you that I have no knowledge of who you are.  I could lie and make you think I know who you are, but I don't.  It would be a good strategic move on my part.  But I also believe in the truth and honesty.

Or I could be saying that because I DO know who you are and I just want to divert attention.  Wouldn't THAT be genius of me...

Probably not.

I'm tired of having to convince people that they don't have to stay in their abuse.  I'm tired of having to look abusers in the eye and pretend to be friendly because they don't know I've had to turn them in because their spouse or child was too scared to tell the authorities, but they managed to tell me.

Although, I will gladly do it.  If a victim can not speak for themselves, then someone needs to speak for them.  It should be me.

It should be you.

If you are a victim of abuse, do not wait to do something about it.  

If you are an abuser, your days of freedom are numbered.  You will be found out.  Be the good person you want everyone to think you are.  Be better than your desires.

Get help and be better.

Night.