Sooo... how do I explain myself?
That is going to be tough since I'm not sure I actually have a good excuse. My last post told you about a project I was working on. Since then I've changed jobs (no, I wasn't fired... might have even been promoted-ish), moved (no, I wasn't evicted), significantly improved my health (no, I... actually, ya, I am kind of healthier now), and have been trying to deal with life.
Let's focus on that last one.
I would like to preface this and say, any personal issues I may or may not hint at are pretty minor in the grand scheme of things and really don't stack up well against people who have actual problems.
Let's pause there for a second. If you are new to this blog and have never ready any thing here and might not know who I am or what this whole thing is about, I encourage you to go back and read my old posts. Emphasis on old. I couldn't believe how long it had been since my last post till recently when I checked out the page. I was shocked and embarrassed.
In a nutshell, I talk about life and stuff about life and lessons learned there-in, usually in embarrassing ways that have to do with me being an idiot, hence the title of my blog.
Back to my poor excuse for excuses.
Life got "hard". While, it could be argued that my life was being "successful", it was by no means "easy." I'm using quotes to let you know the relative quality of those words. One man's torture is another man's vacation. Or so I'm told. I don't look at those websites and you can't prove otherwise.
When things get difficult there are lots of ways people can react. In my case I started withdrawing from stuff just to avoid extra work and other things, like, you know, thinking. No, it wasn't actually that bad. But I was getting distracted by life more and more and it got harder and harder to focus on and remember to do the things I actually enjoy.
Like this blog, for example.
But you know what is funny? All that time I wasn't writing and posting to this blog, I was actually writing. At some point, I don't remember when, I decided to try writing a bit more organized form of the blog and see if I could make it a "book". I even managed to hack out 10 chapters plus an Introduction.
I never moved passed that stage. I finished chapter 10 over a year ago or more.
One thing that is strange about me is that, as a leader type person, I am required to make regular decisions about stuff and things. And I do just fine in that regard. But in my personal life, sometimes when I'm not sure how to move forward with something, my decision making abilities sort of shut down.
As dumb as that makes me sound, I still like that better than just saying "I got lazy." You pick the one that makes you all happy and glowy inside.
It turns out I've been in a really good place career wise for a while now and I've had the time to do this regularly, and I have continued to put it off. I honestly do not know why.
Even as I sat down to finally suck it up and do this, I hesitated. I realized the emotion was "fear."
Seriously.
Fear.
I was literally afraid to write this post and continue forward and pick up where I left of and keep trying.
"Why?" I hear you ask? "What's wrong with you?" you maybe thinking, and, "Are you stupid or something?" you could rightly ask.
I truly am not certain. I think partially because it had been so long, I was afraid no one would read. I have let down a few faithful readers and people who looked forward to my posts, however idiotic they may be. And that's a big deal, because I'm not sure there were that many people reading in the first place.
At least, that's what I thought. As it turns out, I'm a moron.
This will make me sound dumb, but I hadn't considered actually checking the traffic checker for this page. It seems there have been many thousands of people checking this page, even during this long dry period.
I'm sure many of them found this page looking for something else. I'm not so arrogant as to think this thing was what people were looking for. But man... people have been looking, and checking, and waiting, and I'd been letting them down.
I feel like a bad person. (have I garnered enough sympathy yet to move forward? Let's find out...)
So, here is what I'm going to do. I'm going to post those fledgling book chapters. And then I will keep posting new stuff. And, I may even throw in some extra "fun" stuff as well. Some of you know I was an artist/designer by trade in my first post college career. Not an amazing one, but, good enough. Well, I've been working on a web cartoon/comic/thingy. It's not ready yet. I have a couple completed strips, but not enough to be ready to start posting them, and quite frankly, I'm not sure how often I want to, or even can, post them.
But I want to... I need to... make this blog into something more. I need to have this thing in my life that is simple and honest. The rest of my life is also honest, but it's usually far from simple.
However, for tonight, I will post this, um, post, and then I will immediately post the introduction to the "book" I was writing. Maybe one day I will decide it's done and maybe even publish it. I could certainly use the money. But I realized that, those words shouldn't be about the money, and that they should be free for those who can find them, and if I publish later, then yay and whatever. But if I can say anything that helps someone, or causes someone to consider life differently in some way, then I should do that. That is the true purpose. It's the thing that matters. Doing something that improves the life of someone else.
I think I lost sight of that before. I got caught up in my own life, and forgot about everyone else. Which, for those who don't know me and you do go back and ready my old posts, you will understand the irony in that failure.
I hope you, my former faithful readers, will forgive me for the last few years of blogging silence. It was not super cool.
Alright, all my groveling and excuse making, done, let me tell you about what I will be posting. (yes, I know this is getting long.)
The book was to be titled the same as the blog. Each chapter was titled as a "Lesson". They are better structured and thought through, as my old ones are bit more haphazard and slapdash. They probably have typo's in them. I proof read really well as long as someone else wrote it. But when I proof read my own work, I'm pretty awful at catching mistakes. I'm not going to edit them, or change them. This means you will read some stuff which may be dated. In those cases, I have, when I've caught it, added one of these (words and stuff) with the updated info or time frame.
Also, the posts will refer to themselves as a "book" sometimes. I know about it, I'm not going to change it. My reasons are excuses, excuses, more excuses, lazy, excuse, and excuses.
One of those reasons is correct.
Ok, enough putting it off. Here we go. Tonight, I give you "Life Lessons: The Further Adventures of a Perpetual Idiot - Introduction".
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