Lesson 1 - Did I Mention That I'm an Idiot?

         I know, I know.  I shouldn’t say that about myself (he said, referring to the title of this chapter).

Unless you think it’s true, then I suppose you are ok with me saying it.  Shame on you.

=)

Isn’t it a crazy world where I can type an emoticon into a book and everyone understands and doesn’t find it weird?

Anyway.

I’m an idiot.  But in the same way that most people are idiots.

Hold on.  Please step away from the instruments of ritual stoning.

Let me tell you what I mean before you all decide to harm me.  It’s not as bad as it sounds.

Remember when we were kids?  Well, not you and me specifically.  I’m pretty sure I’ve never met you.  At least, not all of you.  But when we were kids, it was easy to go out and have fun.  We would play games and wrestle and race each other around, jump our bicycles (yes, I’m listing male biased things.  I’m an idiot, remember?).  And it was all fun.  But you know what was even more fun?  Remember what made it even better?

When we won.

When I ran faster, biked faster, jumped farther and saved Princess Lea first.

Don’t ask about that last one.

It wasn’t just about having fun, it was knowing that I had fun better than everyone else.  That I was better.

Or smarter.

Yes, it’s childish.  Yes, it’s pointless.  Yes, we still felt really good about it.  Fortunately, we all grew up.  We learned this isn’t the way of things.  The way of the force.  That life is about something more.

And do you know what changed?

Absolutely nothing.

We still feel better when we win.  When we are proved smarter.  When we are correct.  When the other person was wrong.  We relish when the other guy is wrong.

In the end, even though we now know better, we still find our best joy in knowing we are better than everyone else around us.

It’s a bit pathetic, yes?

And THIS… is why most people, including me, are idiots.  Because we know better and still use this mindset to feel better about ourselves.  

How dumb is that?

It’s like having your car not start, getting out, and kicking the right rear tire.  Then getting back in and finding the car still doesn’t start, at which point you get out and kick the tire again.  At which point you find out the car still won’t start.

Ok, I know.  No one would ever do that.  That’s just stupid.  Unless you have, and then, um, I’m sure it was useful… somehow…

But my point is, it’s a useless and pointless way of fixing things.  What was it that someone said was the definition of insanity?  Something about doing the same thing over and over and yet expecting different results?

If being seen as better and smarter makes us feel better, if making others look less than us brings us joy, if it fixes us, then why do we keep having to do it again and again?  Why do we still feel broken later?

Why do we still feel like we have yet to achieve?  If that method was working, we would already HAVE achieved.

All we are doing is kicking the tire.

And kicking the tire hurts.  Have you ever actually done that?  Kick a car tire?  I have, when I was younger, and theoretically more stupid.  I was curious.  I’d seen people do it on TV all the time.  Which, as we know, is the most brilliant reason to do anything.  But I kicked the tire anyway only to discover it was much more solid that I had anticipated.  You know, it’s rubber and filled with air, how solid could it be?

Very, as it turns out.  My toe was sore for days.  There was zero satisfaction from that.  I decided after that, that kicking tires was a pointless act.  It didn’t actually accomplish anything.  It definitely didn’t give me any long term joy.  Or short term for that matter.  As it turned out, there was no point.

It’s funny how we as people seem to be attracted to pointless behavior.

I was watching a video the other day on this website that amuses me.  This guy let his friends shoot him in the junk with a potato gun.

Twice.

And my first thought was, “Why would you do that?!?”, closely followed by, “This guy is an idiot.”  Of course, there are tons of those videos around, right?  Guys hitting each other over the heads with planks of wood just to do it.  Hitting each other in the bean bag with bats just to see who will become sterile first.  Just to see how tough they are.

Why do we care how tough we are as men?  Do we think anyone else cares how tough we are?  Do we think they will be impressed?  Maybe we think it will impress the ladies.  But the truth is, it almost never does.  The only person it impresses is us.  

I’m not sure women care how tough they are.  However, they do compete in different ways.  Is she thinner than me?  Does my bum look fatter than hers?  It’s still a competition.  It’s just a different competition.

For some reason, we humans seem to think life is a competition.  Oddly, we have no idea what we are competing for or against.

We are living our lives, going through our days, and most of the time, we don’t even know why.  Yes yes, I know.  We are getting our paycheck so we can put food on the table and diapers on our kids.  But that is always going to be true.  That doesn’t bring us fulfillment.

Again, hold off on the angry responses for just a moment.  I completely believe that being a good parent or spouse or whatever can bring a great sense of meaning and purpose and even some fulfillment. 

What I am talking about is complete fulfillment.  At some point, even the wonders of mommy and daddyhood aren’t enough.  As any mommy and daddy will tell you, they love being parents and they love their kids and they would never give it up.  But at some point in their parenting career they realized there was still a desire for something else.  They realized that there was something still missing.

Some of these people have affairs.  Others go through some version of a midlife crisis.  Some of them change their career.  Some of them just walk away from it all.

Others simply end their life.

And it all happens because they don’t really know what it is that’s missing and they don’t know how to find it.  This is also how self destructive behavior sometimes starts.  We start looking for that one thing that makes it all better, and we are willing to try anything.

Literally, anything.

Of course, if we are smart enough, we learn quickly that “anything” is often a bad idea.  Unfortunately we are rarely smart enough.  

That’s because most of us are idiots.