The Anniversary Blog

Hello true believers!  

I don't really know what that means.  Stan Lee used to start his communications in comic books that way.  Mostly, I just wanted to use "true believers" in a sentence.

Today's post will be brief.  

Why, you ask?

Because today is my 15 year wedding anniversary.  As such I have more important things to do (like hang out with my fancy bride) than to spend large amounts of time here.  

That's right.  I said it.  My wife is more important to me than you are.  It's not personal.  It's love.

Love is a tricky thing.  Without love we would have likely murdered each other long ago.  And by "murdered" I mean significantly less violent but just as permanent.

There are lots of questions one could ask about relationships and marriage and what makes either one of them successful.  And by "successful", I do not mean "long."

A long marriage and a successful marriage are not necessarily the same thing.

Many people will stay in a marriage for more years than I've been alive, and be miserable the entire time simply because "that's how it's suppose to be."

Successful means that you are together AND happy about it.  You have both dedicated yourselves to a union greater than each of you individually and have found great joy in the other persons happiness.

I think it could be argued that there are other things that make it successful as well.

One question I could ask myself (and have) is, what have I learned over the last 15 years?

Firstly, I've learned that my wife is just as beautiful first thing in the morning as she is after a shower and proper grooming rituals. 

What?  What did you expect me to say?  Anything else would be suicide.

More importantly, I've learned that I am quite selfish.

In hindsight, I have seen how many of the things I did to make my wife "happy" were done in an attempt to vicariously make me happy.  Things done to hopefully encourage her to, in turn, do things back.

Said like that, it sounds really awful doesn't it?

I also noticed how many of the fights we had we largely based on one of us being selfish about something.  And just as often as not, it was the accuser who was being selfish.

I noticed, in retrospect, how much time was spent by one or both of us attempting to still be "separate".  This is not to be confused with maintaining ones own identity.  What I mean is, we would still be holding things back from each other not truly giving all of who we are to each other.  Not truly.  And, at the same time, not truly accepting all of who the other is.

It's easy to become two people who like the veneer of marriage, the superficial look and feel of it, without embracing the substance of what it should be.

Live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, eat together, do stuff together, pay bills, deposit pay checks, do couple type things and think that this constitutes marriage.

It does not.  Not even if you do it perpetually and without too much arguing.

Being united, being one together, is more than simple proximity.  It's more than mutual affection.  It's more than even passion.  

It's about desire and purpose.

Desiring the other persons happiness and well being above all else.  

Having a purpose for your union other than simple cohabitation and it's various benefits.  

A person is powerful.  

Two people working together selflessly as one...?  That is unstoppable.  

I love my wife with all my heart.  And she loves me.  We don't always get it right, but we won't ever stop trying.

Perhaps, maybe, that last part is important to the formula.

Love well, my friends.